So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
