Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
