I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
