Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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