the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
ugly people sure do ruin things
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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