The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
