you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
