she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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