That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
