Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize