Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
