I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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