man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
