Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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