idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Please, let me fuck your mom
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
