I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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