Porn is love you can see.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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