nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
