Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
