Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
we're making bets on your personal life
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
