No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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