Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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