I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
