I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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