"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
