I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dear god my vagina.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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