Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
