I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
