so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize