kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
