You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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