I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
