Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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