k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
