i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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