:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
