I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize