I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
