Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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