So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
