I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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