Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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