The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
