At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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