I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
