I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
