Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
