I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
