i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
