So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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