it wasn't lemon gatorade
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
