Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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