i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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