i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
