i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
