Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
