The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just gargled with NyQuil
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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