called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
