Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
