I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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