Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
