Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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