Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
