hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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