I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
