it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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